Everyone talks about gaslighting these days, but do you know what it actually means? Or that it can be especially harmful for Latina women? 

In today’s blog, we’ll explain what gaslighting is, where the term comes from, why it’s dangerous, how to recognize it, different types of gaslighting, and what to do about it. 

Gaslighting meaning and definition

Gaslighting is “the act of manipulating others to doubt themselves or question their own sanity.” It’s abusive behavior that allows the perpetrator to exercise control over their victim. Like other forms of coercive control, it’s harmful to the person experiencing it.

Gaslighting can affect anyone, but research shows that Latina women and other women of color are especially vulnerable. Men who gaslight their partners often draw on gender stereotypes about women being “overly sensitive,” “crazy,” or emotional as part of their manipulation tactics. 

For Latina women who are immigrants, gaslighting can be especially devastating. Many immigrant women are far from family and close friends, and that isolation makes them more vulnerable to psychological manipulation. 

In addition, gaslighters take advantage of immigrant women’s fear and social/financial instability. They are less likely to seek or receive help from authorities, which makes it that much harder to leave abusive situations.

Gaslighting origin

The origin of the term “gaslighting” is from a British play called Gas Light that premiered in 1938. In the play, a married couple, Jack and Paula, move into a new house that Paula inherited from a rich aunt. 

After they move in, Jack starts to manipulate Paula’s surroundings to make her believe that she’s losing her mind. For example, he dims or brightens the lights when she leaves the room, and then pretends he has no idea what she’s talking about when she notices that the lights are changing.

His ultimate goal is to make her believe that she’s going insane so that he’ll inherit the house and all its riches. Eventually Paula works with a private investigator to prove that Jack is manipulating her.

Ever since the play, which was also made into a movie called “Gaslight” in 1944, we’ve seen the term “gaslighting” crop up intermittently in pop culture and psychology. In recent years, the popularity of the term exploded, and now you hear it in social media, on the news, and in casual conversation between friends. 

Gaslighting in relationships

Gaslighting can happen between family members, friends, in work situations, or in healthcare (which we’ll discuss later,) but people use the term most often in the context of romantic or intimate partner relationships.

Examples of gaslighting in intimate partner relationships:

• Purposefully isolating someone from close friends and family to make it easier to manipulate them.
• Lead a partner to believe that she’s losing friendships because of her mistakes
• Taking advantage of any little excuse to accuse a partner of infidelity.
• Attributing actions to a mental health problem (saying “You’re crazy,” or “You have a terrible memory, that never happened!). 

Gaslighting can be subtle and hard to identify, especially for the person experiencing it. 

Here’s a very simple example of how it works:

• It’s Friday morning, and Monica is talking to her boyfriend Fernando about the weekend. Monica had made plans to go out with her friends and told Fernando a few days earlier that she wouldn’t be available on Friday evening. 
• On the phone, however, Fernando insists that she never told him, and acts upset and hurt because they were supposed to spend time together. He accuses her of being selfish for not thinking about him.
• Fernando makes Monica feel so guilty that she ends up cancelling her plans with her friends.

In this situation, Monica is left wondering if she only thought she told Fernando about her plans, so now she’s questioning her memory and wondering if she’s actually the selfish person he says she is. 

The point is to make the victim second-guess their own thoughts and their sanity, and isolate them from family and friends.

Taking this example to an extreme, let’s say that Monica added her plans with friends to a calendar that she shares with Fernando. Fernando sees the event and deletes it without telling Monica. During their conversation, she refers to the event in the calendar, and Fernando replies “What event? You didn’t put anything in the calendar.” This makes her wonder if she imagined the whole thing.

It’s easy to see why this type of abuse can cause confusion and feelings of powerlessness. In the long term, gaslighting can lead to depression, anxiety, and trauma.

Medical gaslighting can have a big impact on your health if you’re a Latina woman

Gaslighting is a phenomenon that occurs in many types of relationships, not just intimate partner relationships. Unfortunately, medical gaslighting is all too common in the healthcare world, especially for women of color. 

Here’s an example of medical gaslighting: 

• You go to see your doctor for extreme menstrual pain and heavy bleeding.
• Your doctor dismisses your symptoms and concerns and says that what you’re experiencing is a normal part of being a woman. 
• In actuality, these could be symptoms of PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) or other more serious health issues, but beliefs about women being “too sensitive,” “overly emotional,” or “dramatic” can affect the type of care you receive when you visit your doctor. 
• Instead of ordering tests or asking more questions, they assume based on stereotypes about your gender, ethnicity, and culture that they know what the problem is.

This kind of dismissiveness and minimization from medical personnel can lead to incorrect diagnoses and medical complications. It makes patients less likely to seek care the next time they have a problem. 

It also has a pernicious effect on a patient’s mental health because the lack of validation or help makes them question their own thoughts, feelings, and symptoms. 

Medical gaslighting disproportionately affects women of color, especially in the fields of obstetrics and gynecology, services women often seek when they are at their most vulnerable.

Have you ever felt frustrated at an appointment because you felt like your doctor didn’t understand you?

Language barriers make it even more likely that patients will be dismissed or ignored by healthcare professionals. 

Patients are supposed to have access to interpretation and translation services for their appointments, but many don’t know that and so won’t advocate for themselves if they’re not provided with them automatically. 

Some medical professionals overestimate their own language skills, and believe they’re understanding their patient but the nuances of culture and language are lost on them. 

And even if you speak enough English to get by in an appointment, talking about personal issues such as health is never easy in a second language. 

Am I experiencing gaslighting?

Gaslighting in relationships can be tricky to identify, but understanding what it is and how it shows up is the first step to facing it.

Identify language and patterns

If someone in your life is gaslighting you, whether it be an intimate partner, family member, or healthcare professional, they may use this type of language when talking to you:

• “You’re overreacting.”
• “Can you hear? That’s not what I said!”
• “It’s all in your head!”
• “You need serious help.”
• “You already took your medicine!”
• “I was just joking. Lighten up.”
• “Calm down, I didn’t do anything!”
• “I swear I did! I translated those documents for you and sent them in!”
• “You said you would pick up the kids – how could you forget? What an awful mom!”
• You’re fine, it’s probably nothing.

Another way to identify if someone is gaslighting you is to check in with yourself. How are you feeling? Do you feel heard and validated? Are you able to have productive conversations with your partner (or family member/friend/doctor/teacher)? Or do you identify with any of the following?

Signs that gaslighting is affecting your mental health:

• Having trouble making even simple decisions
• Making excuses for your partner’s behavior to family members or friends
• Constantly second-guessing yourself
• Blaming yourself for the way the other person treats you
• Trying to convince yourself that their behavior isn’t really that bad
• Walking on eggshells around the other person
• Believing that you are too sensitive
• Questioning your own feelings, judgments, and observations
• Feeling lonely and trapped
• Doubting your own memory and sanity
• Staying silent rather than speaking up about what you think or believe
• Being on edge and feeling threatened all the time
• Starting to believe what the gaslighter tells you about yourself, that you are “crazy” or “stupid”
• Thinking you can’t do anything right, engaging in negative self-talk, and feeling disappointed in who you have become
• Spending a lot of time apologizing for your actions

Find professionals who can help

If you’re experiencing gaslighting and it’s affecting your well-being, you’re not alone. There are resources out there designed to help Spanish-speaking women overcome these kinds of difficulties and live healthy, independent, and happy lives. 

Whether the gaslighting is happening in your marriage, with a family member, or at the doctor’s office, Aldea is here to help. 

Our programs can help you get the resources and counseling you need to change your life. We know that the root causes of these issues can be complicated, which is why our services are 100% in Spanish and tailored to your needs and your situation.

Contact us today to apply for our program or to learn more about how you can support our work. 

Sources

Latinas Breaking Generational Curses – LA Times

The Sociology of Gaslighting – American Sociological Review

Gaslighting: Cuando el amor disfraza el maltrato – UNAM Global

Gaslighting in Intimate Relationships: A Form of Coercive Control You Need to Know More About – Centre for Research and Education on Violence Against Women and Children

Medical Gaslighting Takes a Toll on Women’s Health – Re:Solve Global Health

Ending Medical Gaslighting Requires More than Self-Empowerment – The Hastings Center

Identifying Gaslighting: Signs, Examples, and Seeking Help – The Newport Institute

The Effects of Gaslighting on Mental Health – Harbor Mental Health 

Gaslight: The Return of the Play that Defined Toxic Masculinity – The Guardian